The Fire Nation Hotman
by Jazzy Mang
Summary: The war between the four nations is finally over, and Avatar Aang has taken his place as the watching protector of balance. Whatever happened, however, to that man from the Fire Nation? That man among men, that uncle among uncles. He may not have managed to break into Ba Sing Se, but nobody's heart is safe from this man's heavy machinery. Find out what happens next, right here!


**Part 1: New Beginnings**

Zuko turned to the girl in the blue robes. Born the heir to the crown of the fire nation, he had been

through much to regain his rightful title. Since that time, however, he had acquired a taste for fine

cuisine. Unfortunately, sea prunes did not fit into this category. "It looks… great, Katara. Very… sturdy."

The girl smiled at him, as innocent as Appa was before he got captured and turned into a circus animal.

"You really think so? Back in the Southern water tribe we would have sea prunes on special occasions.

Gran gran made the best stew."

Swallowing the stew along with his dignity, Zuko began to ponder his mortality – maybe after fighting in

the most destructive war the four nations had ever seen, exotic wildlife would be his inevitable end.

"So I'm guessing that it'll probably be a bit different here in the fire nation compared to back at the

South Pole," Katara wondered aloud.

"Just relax and enjoy the food and company. I know I wouldn't want to miss seeing Sokka try and dance

with Suki."

Neither of them could believe that the date was set for so soon.

"You know…" Katara leaned over and brought a hand across Zuko's shoulder. "You may not do much fire

bending any more, but maybe you could bend m—"

A sudden knock at the door reddened Katara's cheeks and she buried her face in another bowl of stew.

The door slowly creaked open to the private chamber where the couple had decided to have a private

dinner, away from the formality of the rest of the royal palace.

On top of what seemed like three tons of muscle and testosterone sat a face filled with wisdom. With a

voice as soothing as the finest of jasmine teas, the figure spoke: "Zuko, the avatar has requested your

presence. It would not be fitting of the fire lord to deny hospitality to such an honoured guest."

Sighing, the once-banished prince stood and bowed to his uncle. "Thank you uncle, I suppose I have no

choice then – it must be urgent."

"One more thing, Zuko."

"Yes?"

Iroh furrowed his magnificent eyebrows as he crossed his arms. "I am afraid with the avatar's arrival also

came the arrival of a great tragedy. I once asked you to look within yourself to find your destiny, and

now I must once again ask you to look."

"Uncle," came the reply. "I'm good now. I'm not evil any more. Ever since I got rid of my ponytail, or

mohawk, or whatever that hairstyle was called in the fire nation, I've changed for the better. I have

already looked within every inch of myself to create the destiny I wanted."

He smiled at Katara, who couldn't help but smile back.

"No, you do not understand, Zuko," spoke the powerful Iroh. "It is not within yourself that you must

search this time. It is your palace. You see… I have once again misplaced my white lotus tile. As I have

told you before, it is essential to my strategy!"

The smile melted from Zuko's face as he barged past his uncle, "find your stupid Pai Sho tile yourself!"

He paused at the doorway to give one last glance at his fiancée, his scowl once again melting into a

smile. "I'll see you later, Katara."

Iroh stroked his beautiful, manly beard. "My nephew is lucky to have met you, and even luckier that you

saw the good in him. But behind all luck is destiny, and what is destiny but the product of our beliefs? I

hope you continue to believe in him."

Katara nodded, deeply moved by this magnanimous man's speech – one who possesses knowledge

beyond his years and yet maintains a physique of wonder, and got up to leave.

"Don't forget to visit the Jasmine Dragon if you ever find yourself in Ba Sing Se. The only war within

those walls is the war on mediocre tea, and on high prices!"

 **Part 2: Love and War**

Aang approached the fire lord, staff in hand. He bowed properly, the way he was taught when he snuck

into a fire nation school long ago, before throwing his staff aside to pull Zuko into a warm embrace.

"I've missed you so much, Zuko!"

"You've been in my mind a lot as well, Aang."

"So…" Aang pulled back slightly, "when's the big day?"

The avatar hid his jealousy well, and even the fire lord could not detect it.

"It's… this coming Friday. Get it? Friday? Because… I'm the fire lord?"

Well, he tried at least.

"I'm… really happy for you Zuko. Katara is really lucky, she has no idea."

The pair sat and talked for hours, conversation flowing as well as Iroh's silky smooth locks of hair.

Eventually they started reminiscing about the good old days.

"Hey Zuko, do you remember Mai? You know, that really gloomy girl?"

Zuko didn't reply.

"Back then things weren't going very well for any of us, but well… I found it especially hard."

Zuko remained silent – he knew what was coming.

"I have to admit, even though she was kind of creepy, and you did the whole betraying us thing, I was

jealous of what you two had, and I'm really happy for you right now but I thought that Kata–"

Zuko finally spoke up. "Aang, I know what you're going to say," he said in a low voice as he placed a

surprisingly delicate hand on his shoulder. "I hope that there are no hard feelings. I really do care about

you as a frie–"

Aang leaned in and kissed him.

He looked deeply into Zuko's eyes.

"All that time you were hunting me… I wish you were chasing me now. I know I haven't seen you in

almost a year since I went off to find that guru again, but I want you to know that you've never stopped

bending the fire in my heart."

Suddenly the closet burst open, and a beautiful quivering mass of muscle and beard burst out.

"I suspected that this might happen," boomed the inexplicably attractive voice of Uncle Iroh. "But

homoerotic pairings are strictly forbidden in the fire nation by order of the previous avatar, Avatar Roku.

He forbade it ever since he had that disastrous experience with Fire Lord Sozin – that's right Zuko, Aang

was entangled with your grandfather in a previous lifetime!"

His resonant words rebounded through the otherwise silent room, as both Aand and Zuko held each

other in shock. They looked at each other then looked down and quickly slipped away from each other.

"This never happened."

"Agreed."

The two of them stormed out of the room, then walked off in opposite directions.

Uncle Iroh sat down and poured himself a deliciously brewed cup of the finest ginseng tea, his favourite,

enjoying the ensuing peace and quiet.

 **Part 3: How To Tame a Dragon**

Zuko stormed into his chambers, where Katara was practising her water bending things.

Zuko walked over and tapped her on the shoulder. Surprised, Katara dropped the water onto

the floor.

"Why did you sneak up on me?!"

Zuko ignored her and pressed himself against her, eager to get the fresh memories of Aang out of his

head. Sweet Aang, Zuko never knew that air benders would be able to bend even the breath out of his

lungs so tende–

"I was hoping you'd come back sooner rather than later. I mean Aang's important and all but I'd really

like to show you what I can do with my blood bending now…"

All thoughts of Aang instantly faded from thought as Zuko bit the beautiful (but not as beautiful as Iroh)

water tribe girl on the cheek, whispering in her ear: "you're hotter than a fire flake and twice as

cheap…"

Moved by his words, Katara swung him and herself onto the ground and opened her lips over his nose.

"Who's a good fire lord? Whooooo's a good fire lord?"

"I am! I am! Oh I'm a good little flamey monarch! Flameo hitman, flameo!"

The night of passion continued, Iroh stroking his beard contently within the dresser as he congratulated

himself on another job well done and another marriage saved.

Eventually the two wore each other out, and slept as peacefully as if the great war just a year ago had

never happened.

And in their sleep, they couldn't help but sleeptalk to their beloved.

At the same time, they muttered…

"I love you so much,

Uncle Iroh."


End file.
